I was 11 years old when I saw it. June 1994, lying on the couch of my parents’ vacantly flipping through channels. Just a lazy Sunday ruined by too much Saturday morning cartoon-watching, and summer holiday had barely even started yet.
And then; there she was. Princess Diana emerging from that car wearing that dress. You know the one.
The black Christina Stambolian number that has absolutely. Nothing.
Conservative.
About it.
Off-the-shoulder, knee-length, everything a royal divorcée was definitely not supposed to wear. At that age I didn’t know about husbands cheating on documentaries but even I knew you when you saw that dress that fashion could send a message.
Clothes could be bullets. Clothes could be armour. My mother entered the room, glanced at the screen and simply uttered “Good for her.” Twenty years later I discovered that little sentence; good for her”; was jumping through my mind that exact same second millions of women around the world had reached for theirs.
Diana never spoke a word during that encounter. She never had to. Her dress did the talking.
Introduced me to bosom-baring decades before Carrie Bradshaw and made me learn my first lesson about power dressing; the right clothing can help you say everything you need to say without uttering a single word. Last Tuesday at 11: 36 PM I received a text from my friend Emma that read: “I have to see him tomorrow. At Javier’s wedding.
First time since we broke up and he’s obviously bringing the girl he cheated with. The super-whiny one from his spin class. Wait she wears Lululemon?
Ugh. Harper, what the fuck do I wear?” Ohhhhh revenge dress laundry. Takes me right back to breaking up with my own boyfriend in 2018 and running into him at an art gallery in Chelsea while wearing what I can only describe as ratty potato sack casual.
Whelp. I clearly grabbed the first thing off my floor that morning because Lord Jesus that oversized grey jumper dress was never having children with me. Lesson learned; always have a revenge dress ready in the wings.
You never know when you’ll want to nonchalantly scream “Fuck you! Look at how happy I am without you!” without actually having to say those words. But here’s where things have shifted on revenge dressing in 20uh..25; there are so many more options than just showing boob.
Shock value is still very much revenge dressing 101 but if flashing your assets is how you roll then by all means friend, please revenge dress how you wish. I prefer my revenge outfits these days to highlight the most ambitious, successful, I-have-my-life-together version of me. Clothes that make me feel like I own the room rather than trying to hide in a corner.
I’m talking about in-your-face inspirational memes that you can wear. Fabrics that scream “Yeah we broke up but I’m literally running towards my dreams and they’re magical!” whenever someone asks how you’re doing. Needless to say, I gave Emma my go-to revenge outfit formula; not just a dress, an entire look.
For Emma that meant: the black jumpsuit she had been saving for “the perfect occasion” (girl your reunion is the perfect occasion), her hammer-heel slingbacks (the ones she secretly thinks are too high for her but make her legs look like they will penetrate your boobs simply from walking past) and those bold gold statement earrings her boyfriend used to say were “too much for her face” (literally WHAT). She responded hours later from the wedding reception, “Showed up, he sees me and his jaw fucking dropped. New girl wore beige. beige!
At a SPRING wedding. Thank you, Harper. You’re my new best friend.” These days I get texts like Em’s all.
The. Time. Everyone wants in on revenge dressing victories and for a good reason.
Turns out throwing on the most stylish, confident version of yourself works every. Single. Time.
When the world expects you to be broken, come out swinging. When they say you should be sad, give them glamour. It’s a competitive way to communicate without having to say shit.
You Might Also Like
So what is the ideal revenge outfit? A few ground rules before we dive into the endless possibilities. For starters it has to be you.
The most glamorous version of you; not someone you think revenge boys will approve of. I had one client try to channelSexy Back-era Christina Aguilera by shoving her into a bandage dress when she seriously couldn’t be any more removed from that look if she tried. Your look should be you 2.0.
Like if you were a superhero, what would your alter ego wardrobe look like? Same taste, more glow. It should also have an element of surprise.
Something unexpected that will make them go Hmm. Maybe it’s a killer red lip when you usually wear neutral. Maybe it’s a low-cut shirt when they’re so used to your high necklaces.
Reveal some skin they never knew you had. Last but not least; wear something that doesn’t make you adjust yourself every five seconds. There’s nothing worse than making a sexy entrance only to spend the next twenty minutes yanking down your skirt or squeezing your calves back into your sandals.
Confidence is sexy, and literally never looks sexy doingsexy clothes adjustments. As I mentioned earlier I’ve been keeping track of revenge wins for a while now and I’ve noticed there are so many different forms that “the revenge dress” can take. Far from one size fits all, revenge dressing comes in every silhouette and style.
I’ve categorized them into some of my favourites. Meet your new fashion Friday night Netflix binge.. There’s The Big Guns: aka dressed so fucking fiercely they don’t even know what hit them.
My client Naomi wore this to her high school reunion/a literal gunfight. Best moment? Running into her boyfriend of three years standing at the entrance with his arms wide open telling her he’d always loved her strapless maxi dress.
She ended up marrying him. Also, The Transformation: busting out a whole new look they would have NEVER guessed you were into. My college best friend Kendra rocked this look when she ran into her mum’s boyfriend at a restaurant after he tried to kiss her at her graduation.
She wore jean shorts so short Huda would cry, a crop top that hugged all her curves in the best ways and a wide-brim sun hat she never took off until they asked her to leave (they never spoke again). Here’s to you, getting drunk and wearing new friends shorts as your “forgiveness outfit.” Congratulations on your revenge inspo! Then there’s what I like to call The “Wait, you got dressed for this?” smile clothes.
Stunning yet completely 200% you outfits that send the message you wake up like this every day now that they’re gone. Enter my BFF Lola’s biggest (literal) beach babe revenge win yet. We were drying off from our lunch break swim when she spotted her ex and his family chillin on their private beach cabana across the shore.
Complete with stylish wide leg linen trousers she’d actually chosen herself from the rack (shocker), a white linen blazer to keep her shoulders cool, and the wide brim hat she stole from her boyfriend’s dad but totally could’ve bought if we’re being honest. She didn’t plan on seeing him that day and said it felt even better than something she’d strategically put together. She was just kicking it on the beach when he showed up wearing what can only be described as Jorts….and we all know who won that contest.
And of course we can’t forget my personal favourite; The Holy shit, that’s so YOU shirt. Wearing an outfit so undeniably you that they forget what they ever saw in that basic bullshit you tried to put on museum jackets when you were together. Literally broke up with my dogtattoo sleeves boyfriend by running into him at an art gallery wearing my grandfathers watch, the most Harper outfit I could think of; and his jaw literally hit the floor when he walked into a waiter staring at me.
To that bitch, I said… Whew! This list could go on for days but you get the idea. As with any rule, there are sure to be amazing revenge wins that defy these categories.
But all of these wins have one thing in common. You.
After a breakup we tend to forget who that is.
We question everything about ourselves, our style included.
Thats why I LOVE when clients send me pics of their ‘wins’ after rocking a look I picked out for them. Sure, they may win the confrontation with their ex but we BOTH win when you leave feeling more YOU than ever.
Emma called me the morning after the wedding to thank me again. “You’ll never believe what happened…we actually ended up talking and by the time he caught up to me I didn’t care what he thought! I was having too much fun being me again.” There it is folks. The TRUE definition of revenge.
Not making them regret losing you (although girl please enjoy every second of that delicious schadenfreude while it lasts); reminding yourself just how fantastic you are with or without them. And there it is my friends, my professional reminder to always keep a revenge look on deck. Not out of spite or revenge.
But because you deserve to have something in your closet that can make you feel invincible the second it grazes your skin. Princess Diana rocked that blueprint in ’94 and it’s still ringing true two decades later; sometimes the best thing you can say to someone is absolutely nothing. Show up as yourself, louder and prouder than they’ve ever seen and let your outfit do the talking.
