I was in Target last Tuesday. Trying on jeans. As I was standing in one of those awful fluorescent Target changing room mirrors, I looked at myself and thought I looked lifeless.
Like a defeated football mum who was done with trying. I happened to be wearing one of those “trying to find jeans that fit after baby number two” ensembles: skinny jeans I spent the last hour squeezing into paired with the cozy oversized jumper I’d slept in that morning. Jumpers that used to make me feel relaxed and cozy are now making me look frumpy.
As I looked at myself in that sad heap of wool I started to think about how when did I become an old lady who dresses like she’s got rid of her style years ago? Let me preface this by saying that while shopping is not the answer to my rag-tag clothing woes, my sister- in-law Jenny totally saved my style life.
Jenny is one of those people who always looks effortlessly stylish even though she just spent the last hour chasing her 3-year-old on the playground.
She’s pulled together in a way that makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth.
I have actually watched her through the rearview mirror drop her kid off at school at 7 AM looking crazy cute. Mess me.
Anyways, we were chatting over coffee one morning (I drank coffee. She drank something lame like matcha or something.) and I complained that I felt frumpy. I told her how I didn’t understand how my once favourite shirts and dresses now just seemed blah. “How can all my stuff look so outdated?” I asked as we sat amongst a mountain of fashion fail samples I’d carelessly thrown on the floor of our kitchen.
She looked at me with the knowing look most women have when they’re trying to delicately tell you that you have spinach stuck in your teeth. “Are you kidding me?” she asked. “When was the last time you actually tucked something in?” I stared at her blankly. “Tucked in? Like all the way?” I paused. “Isn’t that how our mums wore stuff in the ’90s?” She laughed. Again, not mean, just amused laughter. “Listen to me.
How you wear your clothes changes everything about how they look. Start there. You don’t need new clothes, you just need to wear what you own differently.” I chuckled too, because let’s face it: that sounded way too easy to be true.
Something so simple couldn’t possibly change how tired my outfits looked. Please tell me you’ve Pinterest Life Hacked things before and realised they never look THAT good in real life? Ribbed tank tops instead of camis?
Mason jar storage? DIY floor cleaner with essential oils? Yeah, me too.
But okay fine. I’ll play along. Jenny coaxed me into changing into one of my typical mummy uniforms: dark wash skinny jeans (she approved of the higher-end ones I’d bought on a solo shopping trip months earlier), simple white tee, and cardigan.
Ugh, nothing right? Sounds pretty bland. Basic.
Mum core. ANYwho. “Okay,” she said, as I crossed my arms defiantly. “Tuck that shirt in all the way.” She paused. “I mean it. Don’t just tuck it in front like everyone was doing a couple years ago.
ALL THE WAY.” “It looks stupid,” I said, pulling the shirt back out. “I look like I tried too hard.” “Okay, okay,” Jenny laughed. “Now pull it out just a smidge so it’s not clinging to your stomach AND pull your jeans up like an inch higher than you normally would.” She waved her hand at me like she was dismissing a fly or something. Okayyyyyy…I did it. And whoa.
Girlfriend. It actually looked better. Not drastically different, but a solid 47% cuter. “Well?” Jenny prompted when she saw I hadn’t answered. “I looked better?” I responded.
Impatiently. She nodded, “Good. Now, throw your cardigan on but instead of leaving the sleeves down and loose, push them up at the ends and wear it fitted across your back instead of super loose.” WHAT.
WAS. HAPPENING. TO.
ME??? It’s the exact same outfit Caroline has worn a million times before…but?????? ? Holy crap.
All of a sudden I looked put together. Like a coordinated human being instead of a hot mess mum who just threw clothes on over her nursing tank top. This became my obsession for the next few days.
Trying on every “blah” outfit I owned and styling it in a way that looked more “now.” And guess what?! It worked! I’ll be the first to tell you that I consider myself pretty savvy when it comes to branding and marketing.
I’ve worked for some serious companies in my day and know how to look put together (or at least appear that way). But since having kids, I’ve been doing it all wrong! ! Case in point: my go-to “nice” outfit: Skinny jeans, blouse, flats.
How I rock this at home: half-assed tuck in the front, trousers pushed down just slightly so they’re not “too high.” Note: not exactly sloppy looking…just lazily thrown together. HOWEVER! Behold.
You Might Also Like
The gloriousness that is a FULL TUCK paired with capris worn slightly higher on your waist. Look at the difference! No…I’m not wearing a different blouse…it’s the exact same thing just tucked all the way in instead of partly.
Same difference with jeans and a basic jumper. Previously I’d been throwing oversized jumpers on and leaving them untucked because that’s comfortable, right?! Nope!!
Just sloppy. Either fully tuck it (with a little blousing at your waist) or wear a fitted jumper instead of something mega oversized. SO MANY EXAMPLES.
Dresses. Same problem. I bought this bohemian midi last spring thinking it would be perfect for school functions and casual dinners.
Every.single.time. I wore it I felt like Martha Stewart dressed me inappropriately for dinner. Problem is I let it hang straight down with no shape.
Add a belt (I had one! I just never used it!) to create some shape and suddenly it fits you instead of falling around you. Button downs.
Same thing: I was wearing them SUPER tucked in at the waist and loosely tucked just everywhere else. Again, not messy or improper but nothing jumping out and saying “LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE!!!!! !” Once I started loosening my tuck (umm hello low cut boyfriend jeans much?) and either tying them at my waist or fully tucking them in they instantly looked better. Same goes for blazers.
Once I stopped throwing them over EVERYTHING and instead rolled up my sleeves and wore them slightly fitted it looked more current. Talk about simple fixes!! I always undressed my shirts by rolling up my sleeves but never thought about how much of a difference rolling them to precisely mid forearm (and making sure both sleeves were even) looked.
Bottom line: if you wear clothes like you’re hiding your body, they’ll look dated and oversized. If, however, you pair fitted bottoms with topped off blouses and roll those sleeves up with intention, you will look intentional. No, your clothes will not all of sudden make you look like you didn’t have kids.
But paying attention to how you wear what you own can give you a whole new lease on clothes you already own. Don’t have any clothes that aren’t buried under two kids and a dog? Learn how to meal prep here! !
OMG FRIENDS. The sock thing was hands down the hardest pill for me to swallow. Up until Jenny pointed it out I’d been so ingrained to believe showing socks with trainers was a fashion NOPE.
But you know what? It’s trendy as f*ck right now. And if showing off my socks pair well with looking modern, SIGN ME UP.
Michael even commented, which is hilarious because he once asked me if I was wearing a new shirt because it was brand new. He hadn’t even realised I owned it but had just thrown it on. “You’ve been more confident lately,” he said as I was throwing on a pony tail before running out the door one morning. And you know what?
He was right. Wearing my clothes in a way that actually looked intentional (not accidental) made me feel more put together. More “together.” It was subtle, but I wasn’t looking sloppy.
I felt sloppier. Instead of feeling like I was careless when I got dressed in the mornings, I felt pulled together. Instead of hiding under baggy clothes, I was dressing my body again.
Oh, and side note: taking inventory of what you actually owned versus jumping out and buying new things? Amazing. I unearthed dresses I forgot I had, mixed and matched patterns I never would have tried before, and finally felt inspired by my closet again.
Buy new clothes if you want to. Hell, good Lord knows we all need to every now and then. But before you go blowing your entire paycheck on trendy pieces you’ll tyre of next month, try wearing what you own with intention.
It doesn’t mean following a bunch of rules (though I will say I do now after knowing how to tweak my outfits). It just means training your eye to know when something looks dated vs something that looks current.
Hint: it’s almost always the small adjustments, not a full closet overhaul.
Challenge yourself to wearing clothing items you already own but have been avoiding or ignoring.
Tuck where you wouldn’t normally tuck. Belt where you normally wouldn’t belt.
Change the proportions. Roll those sleeves up with more intention. Wear that blazer higher on your waist.
Wear your jeans an inch lower. Wear that jumper tucked or belted. You just might surprise yourself.
Caroline Farr loves kids, coffee, and adventures big and small. She lives in Charlotte, NC with her husband and two little girls where they pretend they can drink all the lattes. Connect with Caroline on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, and Pinterest.
