For years I believed backless meant skin exposed from shoulder blades to waistband, and nothing else mattered. I was wrong. The best ones involve so much more consideration than that, act as enhancements rather than eye holes cut into barely there fabrics. A slash, a strap, a dip that cuts out neatly right before it becomes vaginal exhibitionism at your nan’s family christening. I wore that wrong for around three years and we can get straight to the point: sorry backless top, I thought you were a bored-housewife-on-Saturday-afternoon-shopping-in-Pelham offering, an all or nothing kind of deal, when actually you’re the most utilitarian feminist when the going out dressier half of my wardrobe needs solving.
The thing about a good one is that it’s less about how much back you can see, and more about how it won’t ride up without you having to tug at the shoulder every five minutes to stop it falling down. Look for intelligent side seams, some sort of internal stay, fabric with enough heft that the slightest movement doesn’t make it pool or bunch. The cheap one I bought before researching how to actually achieve a functional but good looking backless top surged up my arse every time I sat down. Sat down being the operative word, as this is stage talcum horror when you’re sitting in a booth seat. I watched my colleague Priya assess the back of my body one afternoon, she took one look at it go flying up and was like “yeah, that’s not staying,” before turning back to her screen. She was correct, it didn’t. All night.
On the styling front; it goes without saying, your back is doing all the work, so keep your front simple. Start with a higher neckline at the front actually works better than a low one on a backless top. It feels more put together as opposed to stretching catsuits. Pair it with something structured; tailored trousers or a skirt with an actual waistband so there’s a defined edge where your top ends. It also means your underwear isn’t doing a turkey in Christmas special impression. All jewellery is relocated to the back too; if you’re even bothering with jewellery, start with a low necklace that rests between your shoulder blades. They do more work than earrings ever will.
They’re above anything else a dressier night out top. Ideal for dinners when you’ll be sitting down majority of the evening, weddings when you won’t feel inclined to bust out your best moves on the dance floor at 11pm or bottoms up at places with actual light bulbs in them. Backless tops are not an all day proposition, they’re a from six o’clock till who knows when top. Accept that and you’ll never try and make them work in the daytime when they’ll forever fail you.
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